By Chuck Marshall
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral
rights. — J.P. Getty
What you’ll learn
Caveman snobs
1) The Bible and dough
2) Walk like an Egyptian
3) Louis loses his head
4) American Royalty
I felt since I’ve put so much
emphasis on “getting rich”, that I should offer some information on rich people
that might help us all understand the background of the world we are about to
enter.
The first reference to being rich in
history seems to revert back to the cave
man days when the primitive man who had the most bear furs was eyed and admired
by all the “lesser” cave men. In those
prehistoric times one can imagine that wealth was just as elusive for the
regular cavemen since only a few seemed to get the bulk of the good stuff. There is evidence that these “bear fur” rich
men were sometimes ridiculed and mocked behind their back due to envy at their
prodigious collection of bear furs.
Other men would paint on walls pictures of these pre-historic “stiffs”
with the bear furs pilled around them and their cave man noses pointed
decidedly upward. Caveman snobs ! I’m sure it wasn’t just bear furs of course,
but also the best wood for burning, the most meaty spare ribs and the most
chesty cave dames. Then as is true now, the few dominated and
tended to hide their secrets to better ribs.
Later in history, we see the Egyptian
hieroglyphics celebrating the royalty of Egypt with their fanciful jewelry,
feline companions and the massive quantities of gold found in their tombs which
indicated their great wealth would follow them in to infinity. (I wonder what one would buy in heaven with
all that gold? Harps? Wings?
Cat sweaters ?) If things got at all rough in the day to day
lives back then, a slave would be sacrificed to the Gods and then, apparently,
things got better (except for said slave, of course). One would imagine the slaves preferred bad
luck would continue, in the hopes that the King or Queen might decide the
sacrifice just wasn’t working and that maybe, just maybe, they should be doing
something nice like buying them all new sandals or something.
In the Bible rich people are referred
to frequently but I don’t think that God seems to like them too much (nobody’s
perfect !) ‘nor does he care much for money.
They always seem to be losing their money, or they get all their money
thrown on the ground by Jesus during a temper tantrum in a Temple. (I mean no blasphemy !). Gold gets a bad rap too. When the newly released Jewish slaves are
fleeing Egypt they make a gold Calf. The
gold calf makes Moses so mad he throws down the tablet holding the ten
commandments that God had just dictated to him…..I mean THE God, the one and
only, almighty creator, etc…... I guess
it landed on the 11th Commandment, “thou shalt not pitch a fit over
hot, bothered, tired, worn out and dusty Jewish ex- slaves.” I never really quite got that, it’s just a
gold calf…...what’s all the hubbub? Anyway, God doesn’t do anything to Moses
because apparently the gold calf “stunt” ticked him off bad too. OK, no gold calves….got it.
Point of Interest- Have you ever thought about
the fact that Moses was the first and only person to break ALL the commandments at the same time?
The British Empire ruled the world
and with that power came mucho money !
Who profited in England for all this money? Royalty of course ! If you were born into a royal family during
the height of the British Empire then you lived like a King (ha, ha). The royals invented our modern views of the
very wealthy with their castles, palaces, chandeliers, gold crusted rooms, and
gobs and gobs of gaudy diamonds, emeralds, and other precious stones. Nobody in history has known better how to
flaunt it than the British royals….. with the exception of the French
royals. (we’ll get to them in a
minute). Today the royal life still
rewards some Brits with serious jewelry, crowns, fox hunting, parades, and
unlimited supplies of guards with large furry hats.
Great Quote: "Uneasy lies the head that wears
a crown". - (Act III, Scene I).
King Henry IV, Part 2
Moving on to the French Revolution.
The rich people of Paris had a rough time of it around 1789 when many of
them “lost their heads” quite literally.
Their heads were removed from their body by the infamous “guillotine”. This was not a good time to be rich, because
the peasants didn’t really care what your politics were. If you were rich, then you were part of the
problem, and the only solution as far
as they were concerned was to drop your head into a wicker basket. Can you imagine being the one to empty the
basket after a busy day? Did they have
specific place they put the heads? I
wonder if they bothered to match the heads to the bodies before they drove out
to the country to bury the poor, spoiled, dead, headless aristocrats? Did they have fun by putting the kind’s head
on a woman’s body? Did they put
sarcastic signs around them? “Here lies
King Louis, he was our “head of state” but now he’s a stateless head”. OR “Here
lies Marie Antoinette, she never could get her head straight, so we removed it entirely.”
Marie Antoinette famously told the
peasants , upon hearing of their hunger for bread that they would all be
allowed to eat cake….”let them eat cake”.
Warning: Such sarcasm coming from rich people is
destined to bring ruin. Never openly
admit you do not care what happens to the poor ! It only pisses them off and brings bad
karma. You are always to only speak of
your concern and deep regret at their condition. Never, ever feign ambivalence ! Of course that doesn’t mean you have to
actually DO something to help anyone, just “SPEAK” of the calamity. “Talk is cheap”, so keep it cheap.
In the late 1800’s (the late 19th
century for those of you “less informed”) we had the gilded age. This was a marvelous time when rich people of
North America lived in massive homes and flaunted their money so recklessly it
would make the King of Saudi Arabia blush.
They lived big and when they ate dinner there were over 20 pieces of
eating utensils. Carnegie, Vanderbilt,
Rockefeller, JP Morgan, Lehman, Macy, Kellog, Post, Oscar Meyer, Ford, JPaul Getty,
These were the titans of industry and we should all look back with great
admiration for them and their massive quantities of money. We should not admire their personal life too
much, however, because they all worked way too hard to qualify for the GRNDS “medal
of honor”. We tip our hats to them,
nevertheless for their garish display of wealth and avarice. Good Squat !
Today in America, rich people are
adored and fawned over like royalty but not as much with the current recession
it has become “out of style” to flaunt it too much. As recently as 2007, you could still ogle the
lifestyles of the rich and famous and get a wonderful slathering of
superficial, unrestrained materialism.
Today, things are decidedly “low-key”.
The wealthy are “making due” with 12,000 square foot homes and only 5 or
6 luxury cars. There is hope though, and
I have read recently that the rich are
starting to come out of their hiding and are demonstrating their interest in
“jump starting” our economy with outlandish purchases of yachts, etc… They are forced to, of course, for the good
of the Republic. Whatever it takes,
right ? Many of the CEO’s and executives
of our nation’s banking institutions have suffered greatly for their ruin of
the nation’s financial system and they are now coming out willing to spend
portions of their golden parachutes. Bless their sweet hearts. We are fortunate to have such generous
“captains of industry” helping all of us out.
Today, many rich people are famous
only because they are rich. Rich
people are like rock stars. They ride
around in limousines and hang out with nothing but pretty people. Rich people are allowed much more
leeway. Rich people can get mixed up
with drugs and partying and we all are
expected to “understand” the complexity of their lives. (Of course, the life of
a ghetto dweller on drugs is probably much more complex, but let’s not spoil the scene with matters of
fact!).
Heads up all of you GRNDS students
! Once you’ve achieved your riches, the
public will love you and will allow you to get away with murder (sometimes
literally !). You have much to look
forward to ! (But don’t murder anyone,
even if some high priced, slithering lawyer could get you off-the-hook,
murder is just wrong. In fact I’ll make
it GRNDS principle #11- “Don’t Murder Anyone” J
Point of Interest- Rich Folk: In my life, I’ve had many
encounters with rich people. I sold to
them when I was a student at UF in Gainesville.
I bused their tables when I worked in fine dining at WDW. I delivered pizzas to them as a bachelor
needing extra cash living in Ft. Lauderdale.
My impression of rich people is that they’re just like you and me,
except that they have a lot of money, a large house, they drive a luxury car,
they travel whenever and wherever they want, they wear expensive clothes, and
……oh, who am I kidding- they’re nothing like you and me. But we’re going to change that ! We will become them.
So anyway, there are a lot of other
reasons for being rich so I compiled a top ten list to help you get psyched up
for your path to wealth. Your welcome!
Top 10 Reasons for Getting Rich
1) The only alternative is staying poor.
2) When traveling on planes in first class you get a hot wet towel for
your face.
3) You can buy an expensive Italian sports car and not worry that “they’re
not very dependable”
4) When price is meant to weed out the “riff-raff”, it’s not you !
5) No more black- out dates on your annual theme park passes.
6) You get to scan cruise lines “in season” schedule !
7) Design on a dime? Design on
$100,000 !
8) I think I WILL tip the bathroom attendant.
9) Week- long vacations without ANY sales presentations.
10) The “Coupon Clipper” goes straight to the trash.
Great Quote: I have never been
in a situation where having money made it worse.
— Clinton Jones
